so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
