Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
