is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
