made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
