Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
