The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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