Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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