no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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