Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
