he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
