I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
