Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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