God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
