.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
