You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
