I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I deserve this hangover.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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