can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
