What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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