The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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