Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
