so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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