Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
