I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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