The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
