And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
