Yo dont text me then not text me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
