It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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