I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
