I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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