plz talk dirty to me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never joke about your clitoris.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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