We're facebook friends in real life
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think my tv is drunk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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