Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
