Will you blow on my dice?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
