I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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