Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
