Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Randomize
