I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
