in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
