sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
