hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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