We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
