All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
