He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
