Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
