Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
