How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would fuck him just for his dog
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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