if i can run in heels then i can drive
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
