were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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