She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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