You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
