Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
